Devine Bovine?

You! Why do you stand so erect? Who told you that you could be as cold as steel and still be venerated in the presence of flesh? Why magnify: Why acclimate a man’s mission to become the mission for an institution? Your work, oh exalted one, is that of your Father’s hand. Your actions were not generated from the will of those around. You answered to the director of the heavens and the earth, and not to His subjects.

“Ode to veneration!” Is their cry:

“Lift high that which can be done through man!”

“But our maker,’ they say, ‘Our maker would not work even now.”

Although never said, deep down in their hearts is the fear that says “I am not good enough.”

The fear continues on to state that, “If God will not use me for such a work, when I have spent all my life gaining knowledge to be used by Him to that caliber, then why oh youth, would He use you? Maybe later perhaps, but not now.”

Metaphorically speaking: In these past few weeks i was called by God to a country past yonder mountain range. He set me in the path appointed and said not to turn from it to the left or to the right. As I walked I saw signs saying

“DANGER"

“DETOUR”

and other such things.

But the signs were so home made looking that I didn’t pay much attention. As I got closer to the mountain, it loomed over me rather threateningly. I could easily avoid this by going around it but I couldn’t just get off this path without God’s permission, so I walked forward. The mountains were getting cloudy and cold; they were covered by a haze that was slightly fishy. As I got closer I saw a cliff face leading as far up as I could see. There was snow and Ice at the top, but I guessed that God had a mountain pass that I could take to get through this obstacle.

I looked up and gulped; it was tempting to rethink what God had told me. “Maybe i was just hearing what I wanted to hear. Maybe I really was just doing this for my own thrill.” No... I kept walking. About a hundred yards from the base I bent down to tie my shoes for the climb and when I took the next step forward I saw the mountain fizzle and dissipate into a cloud of morning mist. I could see other hills coming up, but this marriage showed me how big God was. Nothing in heaven or on earth could separate us from the Love of God, and if we are God’s hands, nothing will separate those we are going to serve from God’s love either.

When I was in Lebanon I got an email from Japhet saying that if I didn’t come back to Andrews, I would be dropped from school and not be considered a student missionary.

So I prayed and asked God, “Why would you send me back if you brought me here to do your work? You know we don’t have money to travel, and that’s why all this careful planning was made for me to stay here. If you want me to stay, then make it apparent.” But He wanted me to go back. He showed me that I needed to tie up some lose ends before leaving for so long. There was nothing to do at that time in Lebanon than wait, and at Andrews was such a staggering amount of work to do in ministry that I had no choice but to go back. Despite my returning, we decided to buy a round trip ticket to show trust that God wanted me to go back. The work in Lebanon that God had for me to do was not complete.

I would not waste my time at Andrews, so I started contacting those associated with ACA to get paperwork lined up. I would use this trip as a self paid business trip to Andrews as a representative from MEU. I did not realize how many strings God had attached with my return to Andrews.

God made it pointedly clear that the only place I should be this year is in Lebanon. He showed me how much of a miracle it was for me to be there and that only by His planning and working was I going to do what He called me to. God made it clear that it was not because of any of my planning that I was there.

Listen to me well. What I say is from the bottom of my heart. I do not want, nor do I care for veneration in the grand scheme of things. Sometimes I’m tempted to gather it and put it in a glass case, but for all practical purposes I would rather not have it.

I am a people pleaser. I abhor having someone mad at me. I physically shudder when someone is angry at what I do. If I realize what is goingon, I will try to explain to the fullest extent what I am doing; just in case they only misunderstood my intentions.

I am a true guy who is completely and utterly dense to what people think of me, but God gives me the ability to empathize and work with minds so that they draw closer to Him: To the glory of His name. Subsequently, being only human, they attach them selves to the messenger. When I was younger I didn’t know what that was, so deep friendships were built on this one point of spiritual growth. Now the extreme opposite is true, and I refuse to become attached to people based on those kinds of situations. This causes me to feel inhuman and unloving: But God is bringing me back to balance.

I follow what God has told me to do without concern to my reputation, but I know that my name is tied to God’s perfect name, and therefor I desire to have His name be lifted up in the sight of those around. I will desire to excel in what human institutions consider honorable so that God’s name will not be marred. Even so, I will not conform to their desires when it goes against what God calls me to do.

Ask those who have watched my activity this past year.

They will tell you that I am a lose cannon and that I have my head in the clouds.

That I love adventure and excitement,

and I only make plans based on circumstances that

are going to be different tomorrow.

This doesn’t bother me so much that it effects me, but a little more so that it effects my parents, and my family name. God’s name is who I grieve over. If I give less value or credit to how God guides His people, then I would rather die. I would rather that He lose me than lose even a little honor by my actions.

He has told me that I will be in Lebanon. If I stay here this year, then it will seem like I made all these plans based on my selfish desires: But that is not the case. So I believe that with this in mind, there is no other option for my situation, but to have God work a miracle and give me a named call to MEU in the next two days. God give me the words to describe this miracle to those who ask. God who made the heavens and the earth, give me the wisdom and love to proclaim how you work in my life, and are more than willing to work in their life.

May my example give courage and trust to those around whom are wavering in following what you have told them to do. I would not give an excuse for erratic behavior, and so I humbly ask to have the wisdom and words beyond my years to have it sink into the heads of those who hear. Let the words I say sink in down deep so that trust and obedience is born in your children at a new level. Let what you have guided me through this month pave the way for those who will come after. Let me be wood in the stone crack of this institution.

Give me humility always: Give your name glory through the lifting up of my name. Just as you did so with Jesus, I would be like Him. I know that there will still be some that dislike me, but do not give them an excuse to grumble because of my misacting.

“Peace I leave you, peace a give unto you. Not as the world gives, but perfect peace.”